Shakespeare in Money

© ERIC FERGUSON
5348 48th Av. S.
Minneapolis, MN 55417
phone: (612)702-8897
eric@celticfringe.net
http://www.celticfringe.net

CHARACTERS:
William Shakespeare
Francis Bacon
Edward deVere
Queen Elizabeth
Chirstopher Marlowe

(The private rooms of SHAKESPEARE. He’s sitting at a table busily writing. There are other paper and manuscripts besides his writing materials and a pewter mug from which he takes drinks as furiously as he writes. There is a door on one side and an open window on another. There is a knock at the door.)

SHAKESPEARE

Enter.

(FRANCIS BACON enters.)

BACON

Master Shakespeare?

SHAKESPEARE

Yes?

BACON

You’re William Shakespeare, the actor with Richard Burbage’s company?

SHAKESPEARE

I am.

BACON

I have a business propostion for you sir.

SHAKESPEARE

Oh? And you are?

BACON

Franics Bacon. You’ve heard my name?

SHAKESPEARE

Of course.

BACON

I’ve written a play which I desire to see acted upon the stage.

SHAKESPEARE

Mr. Burbage owns the company sir, and decides what we will act. I must refer you to him.

BACON

I expect he will know of our arrangement, but ‘tis with you I must speak. You see, for a man in my position, it is unseemly to have too close an association with drama.

SHAKESPEARE

You mean that by which I make my living?

BACON

Exactly. It’s one thing for a trademan’s son, but a gentleman must be wary of his associations.

SHAKESPEARE

Then why have you written a play?

BACON

There’s my difficulty you see. I have a story to tell and the stage is the right place for it. Thus have I put it on paper. Unlike a poem however, it must have actors to make it breathe. Fear not sir, I don’t expect you to understand the difficulties of a gentleman poet.

SHAKESPEARE

Actually sir, I have my own ambitions of being a poet.

BACON

How nice for you. Now to the matter: I wish you to put your name on this play.

SHAKESPEARE

Put my name on your play? Why my name?

BACON

You’re an actor, and so it will be believed that you could write this, and no suspicion will fall on me.

SHAKESPEARE

Aye, we can’t have such a terrible thing befall you.

BACON

It pleaseth me you understand. I will of course pay for the use of your name.

SHAKESPEARE

May I see it?

BACON

Of course.

SHAKESPEARE

“Titus Andronicus.”

BACON

It is a tragedy of ancient Rome.

SHAKESPEARE

(reading) “And now we cut out your tongue, and now we stand on it, and thus do we throw large objects at it so that they bounce on it.”

(SHAKESPEARE shudders visibly to the awfulness he has just read.)

BACON

‘Twill move the audience to tears.

SHAKESPEARE

Likewise the actors who must speak the words. How much to write my name on it sir?

BACON

A princely sum. £20.

SHAKESPEARE

'Tis a poor prince who would buy a man’s name for that price.

BACON

Come now sir, how long would it take you to earn £20 by your trade?

SHAKESPEARE

A long time. But I have never done this before. I have my own ambitions and must needs care for my own name.

BACON

£25 then. No more or I will seek some other actor.

SHAKESPEARE

Might I make some improvements to it since my name is at risk?

BACON

Improvements!? Do you think you can improve upon what I have written?

(SHAKESPEARE reads the script again and grimaces.)

SHAKESPEARE

Nay sir, there’s no point to trying to improve it.

BACON

Good. Here’s £10 now, and you’ll have the rest when the play is first performed. Good day sir.

(BACON exits. SHAKESPEARE looks at the script.)

SHAKESPEARE

‘sblood! What have I done? Perchance if I make it better he’ll never know. (He reads the title, hesitates, and writes his name) The Tragedy of Titus Andronicus by.........William Shakepeare.

(Another knock at the door. SHAKESPEARE quickly hides BACON’s manuscript)

SHAKESPEARE

Enter.

(Edward deVere enters.)

DEVERE

Master Shakespeare? I was referred to you by my good friend Francis Bacon. I am Edward deVere, Earl of Oxford.

SHAKESPEARE

How can I serve you milord?

DEVERE

You see, I have a play, and I wish to have it acted. However, being in my position, I must be careful that my name is not associated with something as vulgar as drama.

SHAKESPEARE

So you wish me to pretend the play is mine?

DEVERE

Indeed sir.

SHAKESPEARE

May I see it?

(DEVERE hands the script to SHAKESPEARE)

SHAKESPEARE

“The Tragedy of Timon of Athens.”

DEVERE

It’s based on the ancient Greek myth of Timon.

SHAKESPEARE

And the setting is Athens?

DEVERE

Yes, very good.

SHAKESPEARE

(reading with difficulty)
From whins 'tis neerished: the fire i' the flent
Shows not tile it be stroock; our gintle fleme
Prevoikes itself, and like the corrent flees.

I don’t understand a word of it.

DEVERE

It’s in a Yorkshire dialect.

SHAKESPEARE

Yorkshire sounds not like that. We have a Yorkshire man in the company who would not recognize his speech in this.

DEVERE

I know what Yorkshire sounds like sir. I have a man in my service who once was there, and he told me what it sounds like.

SHAKESPEARE

Athens ne'er had senators milord.

DEVERE

Who can know about times of legend Master Shakespeare?

SHAKESPEARE

These senators have a long scene here milord. Should they not have names instead of Senator 1 and and 2?

DEVERE

'Twill suffice---I am the author. Now to the fee my good master Shakespeare. Will £25 suffice?

SHAKESPEARE

£30 milord. 'Tis my name I wager.

DEVERE

I’m not carrying £30!

SHAKESPEARE

£10 now, the rest when we first play it upon a stage.

DEVERE

Did you charge Bacon so much?

SHAKESPEARE

If I did milord, I have forgotten, and I perchance may forget this meeting if any should ask.

DEVERE

Very well then. Here are £10. God be wi’ ye sir.

(DEVERE exits.)

SHAKESPEARE

‘sblood! These aristocrats wanting to write plays. What next, tragic heroes speaking in prose? Why not women acting on the stage?!

(A knock. SHAKESPEARE hides DEVERE’s manuscript and looks for a place to hide the money.)

Who is it?

ELIZABETH

Her majesty the queen.

SHAKESPEARE

Who?

ELIZABETH

Queen Elizabeth.

SHAKESPEARE

Queen Elizabeth is at my door? Are you in the company of Mary of Scotland, or perhaps Phillip of Spain stands behind you?

(SHAKESPEARE opens the door. He sees ELIZABETH standing there.)

Your Majesty! Pray pardon me for my foolish jest.

ELIZABETH

You’re pardoned Master Shakespeare if you can perform a service for me. I come on a matter which requires some discretion.

SHAKESPEARE

What wouldst have me do for you?

ELIZABETH

I’ve written a play.

SHAKESPEARE

Indeed.

ELIZABETH

‘Twould not be meet for a queen to be writing plays, but I could not stop myself putting pen to paper. Yet I must not be in the company of actors. Thus I ask you to place your own name upon this play. It will be believed that one such as you could write something like this. Here. ‘Tis a comedy of a corpulent and cowardly knight in lustful pursuit of another man’s wife.

SHAKESPEARE

“The Merry Wives of Windsor.” As in Windsor Castle. Would this be based upon some incident in the town?

ELIZABETH

No it wouldn’t. Pray you ask no more but for the payment to keep my confidence.

SHAKESPEARE

Would £30 be acceptable to your majesty?

ELIZABETH

£30? Nay not so much. Is that money in those purses you have half-hidden in your papers?

SHAKESPEARE

Um, yes milady.

ELIZABETH

How much is in them?

SHAKESPEARE

£20.

ELIZABETH

Hand them to me. (he hesitates) Come sir, hand them to me.

SHAKESPEARE

Why would you want these purses milady?

ELIZABETH

I am declaring a new playwrighting tax of £20. And now sir I give it ye for your fee.

SHAKESPEARE

Alas, everyone in the theatre wants a fee from the playwright. Will ye not also give me a tenth part of the proceeds?

ELIZABETH

I suppose I need your silence. Very well, a tenth.

SHAKESPEARE

Thank you your majesty.

ELIZABETH

That’s net, not gross.

SHAKESPEARE

Of course milady.

ELIZABETH

And tell no one I was here.

SHAKESPEARE

As you wish. I will stage it as soon as I can.

ELIZABETH

Not too soon. I will not be in London for a while as I am taking my court to Yorkshire. The Earl of Oxford tells me they have the most delightful manner of speaking there.

(ELIZABETH exits. SHAKESPEARE sits back at his table. There is another knock)

MARLOWE

Shakespeare, open up. It’s me, Marlowe.

SHAKESPEARE

(loudly) Marlowe?

MARLOWE

Shh!

SHAKESPEARE

Christopher Marlowe?

MARLOWE

Yes, now keep you voice down and let me in.

SHAKESPEARE

(lets him in) Do ye haunt me Marlowe? You’re dead, stabbed in a fight in a tavern.

MARLOWE

No, I was just injured. I just say I’m dead to safeguard my life.

SHAKESPEARE

Why are you here?

(MARLOWE ducks behind the table, or anything else convenient to hide behind)

MARLOWE

Pray you, shutter the window so I may not be seen.

(SHAKESPEARE shutters the window.)

SHAKESPEARE

Why are you here?

MARLOWE

I have a new play.

SHAKESPEARE

Of course.

MARLOWE

But I need you to perform such service for me as for DeVere and Bacon.

SHAKESPEARE

But unlike them Marlowe, you can actually write! Why do you need me?

MARLOWE

If I produce a new play, ‘twill reveal me to those who mean to have my life. But if you’re name is on it, perchance ‘twill be believed ‘tis yours. Sure there will be suspicion ‘tis mine, but...

SHAKESPEARE

How now? Why suspicion?

MARLOWE

Well, it may be hard to believe that one such as you wrote high tragedy.

SHAKESPEARE

(sarcastic) Of course I couldn’t have written it. Only Master Cambridge Tavern Brawler could write it, never a mere glover’s son who has been in theatre his whole working life! Do you know I’m your age and still trying to get my work produced?!

MARLOWE

I crave your pardon Shakespeare, but that is none of my doing. To the matter; will you do it?

SHAKESPEARE

Aye, for £30, £10 now and the rest when we act it.

MARLOWE

£30! Do you mean to beggar me Shakespeare? I don’t have that.

SHAKESPEARE

Of course you have it. Or are you not (a little too loud) Christopher Marlowe?

MARLOWE

Aagh!

(MARLOWE ducks again)

SHAKESPEARE

Then what do you propose?

MARLOWE

I’ll give you a tenth of everything I get for it.

SHAKESPEARE

A fifth.

MARLOWE

A fifth! ‘Tis blackmail! I reckon I can do naught else. Here is the play. And do not change a word of it.

SHAKESPEARE

I will vouchsafe to protect your words from my own pen, but you know how some actors are with their lines.

MARLOWE

Aye, I know well enough.

(He starts to leave and stops)

Pray tell me Shakespeare, was that the Queen I saw leaving here?

SHAKESPEARE

You saw no one leaving Marlowe. That was some ordinary woman walking down the street.

MARLOWE

Ordinary? In a velvet gown?

SHAKESPEARE

No doubt ‘twas an ordinary velvet gown.

MARLOWE

She wore a crown.

SHAKESPEARE

No doubt ‘twas an ordinary crown.

MARLOWE

She had a bodyguard of a hundred soldiers.

SHAKESPEARE

An ordinary bodyguard of a hundred ordinary soldiers. As like she was merely some neighbor.

MARLOWE

Do ye think me a fool Shakespeare?

SHAKESPEARE

Easily settled. I’ll just open the shutters and look.

MARLOWE

Aagh!

(MARLOWE rushes to hold the shutters closed.)

‘Tis no matter. Good day Shakespeare.

(MARLOWE looks carefully around the corner and skulks off stage.)

SHAKESPEARE

(again, a bit too loud) Good bye Marlowe.

MARLOWE

Aagh!

(SHAKESPEARE pulls one of his own manuscripts from the pile on his table.)

SHAKESPEARE

But what of my own desire to have my words acted? And to have my own poems published? I despoil mine own name with this fakery. Perhaps I too need a different name upon my plays.

(He writes on the cover of the manuscript)

The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, by..........Neil Simon.

END OF PLAY.

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