Public Service Announcement for PPISR
(Poor People In Service to the Rich)
© ERIC FERGUSON
5348 48th Av. S.
Minneapolis, MN 55417
phone: (612)702-8897
eric@celticfringe.net
http://www.celticfringe.net
CHARACTERS:
Newt Gingrich
George W. Bush
Volunteer
First version: Gingrich
(We see Americorps volunteers at work in the backround. Newt Gingrich comes on.)
GINGRICH
Hello, I'm House Speaker Newt Gingrich. See these Americorps volunteers behind me? It's refreshing, isn't it, to see our country's young people hard at work in public service. So you're probably asking, "Mr.Speaker, why are the Republicans in Congress trying to kill off Americorps, especially when you had been in favor of national service before President Clinton actually put a program together?" The reason is simple. We're in favor of "national service", not creeping socialism. Why should America's youth have to spend their time in a bunch of environmental projects and pointless social work just to get a college education? Why should they waste their efforts on useless people who contribute nothing to the country anyway? Better they spend their time on people who not only take care of themselves, who make a contribution to this country, the real movers and shakers. That's why we've replaced Americorps with a new program. We call it Poor People In Service to the Rich. (The acronym appears on screen PPISR) We call it pisser for short. We going to have America's college-bound youth serving the people who are the backbone of the Republican party...excuse me, the backbone of the country, our rich people. PPISR volunteers will serve as caddies, nannies, chauffeurs, bodyguards, receptionists, and all around fart catchers for people who deserve the volunteers' help...and not coincidentally, can help the volunteers. Let's see some welfare queen do that.
(A Volunteer enters wearing a jacket with the PPISR logo.)
VOLUNTEER
Hello, Mr.Speaker.
GINGRICH
Hello young person. How do you like your new job?
VOLUNTEER
It's a real pisser sir.
GINGRICH
That's good. So what are you doing?
VOLUNTEER
I'm Rupert Murdoch's caddy.
GINGRICH
What?! Hey, that's my job! You little thief!
(Volunteer runs off, pursued by a yelling Gingrich.)
This portion about George W. Bush added 2002.
(We see Americorps volunteers at work in the background. GEORGE W. BUSH comes on. More stock footage of Americorps volunteers during BUSH's speech.)
BUSH
Hello, I'm Supreme Court appointee ... um, President George Bush. See these Americorps volunteers behind me? It's refreshing, isn't it, to see our country's young people hard at work in public service. So you're probably asking, "Mr. President, why did the Republicans try to kill off Americorps, especially when you had been in favor of national service before President Clinton actually put a program together?" The reason is simple. We're in favor of "national service", not creeping socialism. Why should America's youth have to spend their time in a bunch of environmental projects and pointless social engineering just to get a college education? Why should they waste their efforts on useless people who contribute nothing to the country anyway? Better they spend their time on people who not only take care of themselves, who make a contribution to this country, the real movers and shakers. That's why we've replaced Americorps with a new program. We call it Poor People In Service to the Rich.
(The acronym appears on screen PPISR)
We call it pisser for short.
(Stock footage of PPISR volunteers)
We're going to have America's college-bound youth serving the people who are the backbone of the corporate world...excuse me, the backbone of the country, our rich people. PPISR volunteers will serve as maids, caddies, nannies, chauffeurs, bodyguards, cabana boys, footstools, and all around fart catchers for people who deserve the volunteers' help...and not coincidentally, can help the volunteers with such things as investing for retirement, tips on lobbying, and how to get around pesky campaign finance laws.
(A Volunteer enters wearing a jacket with the PPISR logo.)
VOLUNTEER
Hello, Mr. Supreme Court appointee.
BUSH
That's "President".
VOLUNTEER
Sorry.
(VOLUNTEER assumes the footstool position.
BUSH
(sits on whatever is convenient and puts his feet up.)
BUSH
Hello young person. How do you like your new job?
VOLUNTEER
It's a real pisser sir.
BUSH
That's good. So what will you be doing?
VOLUNTEER
I'm going to be Ken Lay's caddy.
BUSH
What?! Hey, that's my job! You little thief! (VOLUNTEER gets up and runs off, upending BUSH in the process. BUSH pursues off camera yelling.)
Go back to sketches.
Go back to plays.